No Call, No Show: A Household Employer's Measured Response to Unauthorised Absence

The Moment You Realise They Are Not Coming

There is a particular kind of dread that settles over a household employer when the clock passes the agreed start time, the front door remains closed, and the phone goes unanswered. Whether your PA's absence means a care routine is disrupted, children are without support, or your own working day is thrown into disarray, the practical urgency is immediate. The emotional response — frustration, worry, or outright anger — is entirely natural.

What matters in that moment is the order in which you respond. Acting from a place of anxiety rarely produces the measured documentation and professional conduct that will serve you well later, whether the matter resolves quickly or escalates into a formal process.

Immediate Steps: The First Two Hours

Your first priority is practical: make alternative arrangements if your household's needs require it. Contact a backup agency, ask a trusted contact to assist, or rearrange your own commitments where possible. This is not the time to send a sequence of increasingly terse messages to your PA; a single, clear attempt to make contact is sufficient at this stage.

Document the time of that contact. A brief note — even a text message or email to yourself — recording that your PA had not arrived by their contracted start time and that you attempted to reach them at a specific time is the beginning of your paper trail. This detail matters more than it might appear.

If you have not received any response within two hours of the contracted start time, send a written message — by text or email — stating that you have been unable to reach them, that you are concerned about their welfare, and that you require them to make contact as a matter of urgency. Keep the tone neutral. Accusations made at this stage, before you have any information, are both professionally inappropriate and potentially damaging if the absence turns out to have a genuine medical or emergency explanation.

Distinguishing an Emergency from a Pattern

When your PA does eventually make contact — or when they next appear for work — the conversation you have will depend significantly on what they tell you and what your prior experience of their conduct has been.

A PA who has never given you cause for concern, who contacts you within a reasonable period with a credible explanation, and who is clearly distressed by the disruption they have caused is a very different case from one who has a history of poor timekeeping, last-minute cancellations, or vague explanations. Both situations require a formal response, but the tone, the level of formality, and the likely outcome will differ considerably.

For a first occurrence with a plausible explanation, an informal but documented conversation is usually appropriate. Express the impact the absence had on the household, confirm your expectations regarding notification, and ask what steps the PA intends to take to prevent a recurrence. Make a written note of this conversation and, where possible, follow it up with a brief email summarising what was discussed.

Where the absence is unexplained, the explanation offered does not hold up, or it forms part of an emerging pattern, a more formal approach is warranted.

The Formal Conversation: Preparation Is Everything

Before sitting down with your PA for a formal discussion about unauthorised absence, gather your documentation. This should include:

• A record of the date and time of the absence
• Notes on any prior absences or lateness, with dates
• A log of your attempts to make contact on the day
• Any written communication exchanged
• A copy of the relevant section of their contract, covering attendance and notification requirements

The meeting itself should be conducted in a calm, private setting. Your PA has the right to be accompanied by a trade union representative or a colleague at any formal disciplinary meeting — a right that exists even in domestic employment contexts and should be respected.

Open the conversation by stating its purpose clearly: you are meeting to discuss the unauthorised absence on a specific date and its impact on the household. Invite your PA to explain what happened. Listen without interruption. Ask clarifying questions if necessary. Then explain, calmly and specifically, what the employment contract requires in terms of notification and attendance.

What Not to Say

Several phrases, however instinctive, tend to make these conversations less productive. Avoid:

• Expressing how personally let down you felt (this conflates the professional and personal in ways that rarely help)
• Making assumptions about the reason for the absence before hearing the explanation
• Issuing ultimatums in the heat of the moment
• Comparing this PA unfavourably to a previous one

The objective of the conversation is not to vent frustration — it is to establish the facts, communicate expectations clearly, and determine an appropriate next step.

Proportionate Outcomes

If the absence was genuinely unavoidable and the PA has been otherwise reliable, a documented verbal warning — noted in writing and kept on file — is usually proportionate. The written record should confirm that the matter was discussed, what was agreed, and what will happen if the situation recurs.

If the absence was unexplained, unjustified, or forms part of a pattern, a formal written warning may be appropriate. In more serious cases — particularly where the PA's absence placed a vulnerable person at risk — you may need to consider whether the employment relationship can continue. In any of these scenarios, taking advice from an employment specialist before acting is strongly recommended.

Managing the Emotional Dimension

It would be disingenuous to pretend that household employers are unaffected by the personal dimension of these situations. A PA who has worked in your home, cared for your family, or supported your daily life occupies a different emotional space from a colleague in a shared office. The sense of betrayal when trust is broken can be acute.

Acknowledging that privately — perhaps by speaking with a trusted friend or an employer support service — is entirely reasonable. What is important is that the professional response remains professional. A household employer who manages unauthorised absence with clarity, fairness, and documentation is in a far stronger position — legally and practically — than one who reacts from a place of hurt or anger.

The absence may be a single lapse. It may be the beginning of a more serious problem. Either way, your response sets the tone for what follows.